Micah you are going off on so many side tangents I simply cannot spare the time to respond to every nuance. (Most of which are not important)
The issue is how bitcoins become a generally accepted medium of exchange. Meaning I can go to safeway and transact with it. This is the chicken and egg paradox I am referring to.
If we can just focus on this one thing and avoid lengthy 1000+ wordy responses I would be super ecstatic.
[EDIT]
Also Skylien raises an excellent point as well that deserves consideration.