The following is a rewritten version of this New York Times article:
On Thursday, James Bullard, the president of the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis, warned that the Fed’s current policies were putting the American economy at risk of becoming “enmeshed in a Japanese-style deflationary outcome within the next several years.”
Thomas E.Woods, Jr., a senior fellow at the Ludwig von Mises Institute, sighed when asked to comment on this matter. He sent the New York Times an excerpt of a 2009 White Paper for brokerage Euro Pacific Capital: Tens of trillions of yen in stimulus packages, combined with propping up failing companies, lowering interest rates to zero, and much additional intervention besides, had nothing to show for it other than making Japan the most indebted country in the developed world. Keynesians desperate to find some reason that their entire slate of proposals failed to elicit a response from the Japanese economy try to argue that Japan didn’t nationalize its banking sector fast enough. But when Japan did start nationalizing its banks, it then endured the two worst years, (1998 and 1999) of the whole “lost decade.”
“Hand over your PhD,” said William L. Anderson, an adjunct scholar of the Mises Institute and economics teacher at Frostburg State University. “You and the rest of you economic hacks have successfully extended Gresham’s law to PhDs.”
Anderson refused to comment further on the matter, telling the New York Times, “You people tried to claim that Duke lacrosse player Reade Seligmann simultaneously could be both at a bank teller and at a party miles away raping Crystal Mangum. You people deceived your readers about Climategate. You employ Paul Krugman as a columnist!”
Outside of the New York Times building, people protesting the quality of the New York Times held signs that criticized James Bullard and a previous New York Times article that uncritically quoted him. One sign said, “Deflation allows the factors of production to adjust to sustainability.” Another sign said, “Deflation is a sign of a rising living standard.”
Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke could not be reached for comment likely due to being hounded by his personal creditors after publicly demonstrating why spending is needed for recovery. After he maxed out his credit, he is reported to be unable to pay his own pills, even with a printing press, which creditors no longer accept as a valid means of payment.
“Keynes!” he proclaimed one night so loudly that he awoke his neighborhood. “Why have you forsaken me!”
Former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan was unavailable for comment due to his expedited execution for crimes against economics and mass impoverishment. His last words could not be understood by people who lacked expertise in language torture.