Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America
will be outsourced to India as of September 1, 2009.
The move is being made in order to save the President’s $500,000 yearly salary, and
also a record $750 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead that his
office has incurred during the last 3 months.
It is anticipated that $7 trillion can be saved to the end of the President’s term.
“We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost savings are huge,” stated
Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). “We cannot remain competitive on the world stage
with the current level of cash outlay,” Reynolds noted.
Obama was informed by email this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job
move have been underway for some time.
Gurvinder Singh, a tele-technician for Indus Teleservices, Mumbai India , will assume
the office of President as of September 1, 2009. Mr. Singh was born in the United
States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls , NY . Thus making
him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no
health coverage or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without
a support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India , he will be
working primarily at night. “Working nights will allow me to keepCongress Votes to Outsource the Presidency my day job at the
Dell Computer call center,” stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview.
“I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President.”
A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all
the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem as Obama
had never been familiar with the issues either.
Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to
most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns
without having to understand the underlying issue at all. “We know these scripting
tools work,” stated the spokesperson.
“Obama has used them successfully for years, with the result that some people
actually thought he knew what he was talking about.”
Obama will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of
employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 a week
unemployment for 26 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his
unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.
Obama has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him
write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower,
Obama may have difficulties in securing a new position due to a lack of any
successful work experience during his lifetime.
A greeter position at WalMart was suggested due to Obama’s extensive experience at
shaking hands, as well as his special smile.