How to stop a liberterian argument guide [HUMOR]

Miscellaneous Newbies
1

Here are some of the ways to stop a liberterian in his tracks and show how government is necessary:

  1. Say “What about the poor?” Liberterians are against any government policy that would help the poor, and would leave the poor defenseless if they have the chance. They are for the rich, and are willing to aide the rich in stealing from the poor, even though they will never tell you with a straight face. In fact, it is funny how many times liberterians contradict themselves. I already see one, and it is in this paragraph.

  2. “But who would build the [insert word here, preferibly roads]?” Unfortunately, in their no government utopia, there is no Government to build them these things which we take for granted. This includes laws, which liberterians oppose. These, obviously, need a government, because people are too stupid to do them on their own. Also, government is for the people, not against the people like some rich capitalist faggots.

  3. Externalities, AS/AD, Kenyesian economics, market failure, and all of these other things show how the free market does not work. Press these arguments into his face, and when he denies them, show that they are right, no matter what. “Why?” he may ask. BECAUSE I SAID SO.

  4. Show how government has worked for many centuries in many places, if it can be kept under control. The free market, on the other hand, has never been shown to work. Unfortunately, there was Hitler and Stalin, but those are just minor incidents. The government really works well for the people, look at how prosperous nations with a government are!

  5. Show the greatness of democracy. Show how people vote for the right politicians, like Barack Obama, and that voters are knowledgeable enough to select their true leaders, well, most of the time, because sometimes people are stupid. But hey, at least we don’t have a king.

  6. More quotes for emergencies:
    “People need leaders so that they don’t do wierd things like smoke pot.”
    “If you support anarchy, you support the killing of innocent kittens by uber ninjas. In fact, you support the killing of anything by uber ninjas. THIS MEANS YOU TOO!”
    “Humans don’t act, no, wait, that can’t be right. Humans sometimes act, no, wait, that can’t be right. Why is austrian economics so complex. I am done arguing with you, I am going to have dinner with my girlfriend. But you are wrong, and that is that!” [Use this if he says that human action is an axiom.]
    Sorry, but as this is an emergency, there are no more quotes. Make up your own to boggle the mind of the liberterian. Or, google mindless quotes until you find some more mindless quotes to use in an emergency.

  7. Most importantly, do not accept the lies, even if they are true. The liberterians are here to recruit you for their army to fight the government you cherish so much. VIVA EL GOBIERNO.

As you know, this is completely fake, but there might be a grain of truth. I just wanted to try something new.

2

“Libertarians wouldn’t fight for the north in the Civil War; therefore, they are all racist.”

“Libertarians don’t support Israel; therefore, they are all anti-semetic.”

Damn, now I realize that most anti-libertarian arguments have the following form:

Libertarians don’t support X; therefore, they are against X.

3

“The free market has failed. We need more coercion of the citizens”

“Government tariffs are good because they keep cheap prices out of the economy”

“Free trade is bad. We need less trade and more taxes so the government can provide stuff”

“Prosperity is out of control, everyone is becoming wealthier. Soon there will be no poor people left”

“Global warming means that coercion is ok sometimes”

“Global warming can only be solved by government investment in the free market”

“Carbon Taxes are good because it provides more revenue to government for war and vote buying”

“Only rich people should pay taxes. Poor people should get stuff for free like health care and education”

“Free WiFi is good because then the government will be in charge of the internet”

4

Hilarious tread -:wink:

Hmm, an old time classic…

“Homo homini lupus”; aka “people are not angels, you can’t trust them with their own good”

… and the inescapable ‘divine right royalty’ complement:

“but people in power are different cos they have been elected to determine what’s good for you, hence they surely know best”

… and my own personnal favourites:

“how is ‘private law’ law at all?”; aka “it’s the states that do the law”

“who is gonna judge conflicts bwn people?” -then “who is gonna judge conflicts bwn arbitrators?” -or, alternatively, “how can you be sure the arbitrator is gonna get it right??”… “with the state on the other hand, you get justice for all”

-;))

5

That was the best part.

6

I dont want uber ninjas to kill kittens! Thanks for showing me the light of statism. =]

7

That made me laugh out loud. More ways to stick it to the libertarians:

“Hitler really had the best interest of the Jews at heart. He represented the true spirit of benevolent government.”

“Money is whatever I say it is, jerk! Now how many hamburgers can I get for this Rothbard?”

“Of course you aren’t capable of being responsible for yourself. You need someone like Mr. Bernake to counsel you on how to cope with the free-market system we have.”

“Actually, economics is easy, just like medicine. If a patient has been poisoned, everyone knows the only way to cure them is to apply a larger dose of the poison. It flushes the poison right out!”

“Logic!?! We don’t need no stinkin’ logic!”

“Stealing is only wrong when the government isn’t doing it.” (could also substitute counterfieting)

“Murder is not bad if the government says they are doing it for a good reason.” (see idea 1)

“Well, if we didn’t have Social Security my grandparents would have to live in your house.” (actual quote from Kansas City Star oped)

8

Bring up the false free-trade fair-trade dichotomy.